His Pursuing Kindness: Passing Away

I have a feeling today is going to be a posting spree day...there's been a lot on my mind...

Death has been one of them.

Within the last two weeks or so, one by one, people have been dying. We've been getting phone calls of so and so's mother or father passing away. My family is planning on attending the wake service for one of them tonight.

The daughter of one of the men who died was talking about how we aren't guaranteed tomorrow. How we should let our loved ones know how much we love them.

Thankfully, I've never seen death firsthand. My grandfather died in our house when I was ten. I saw him before he died and after he died...but not as he was dying. My aunt - I saw her before she died (she was in a coma) and then after. She looked like she was sleeping.

Death is scary. It's painful, especially as it's a loved one that's dying. My family never saw it coming with my aunt. Never. The night she fell and hit her head, hearing my grandmother cry my mom's name for help, calling the cops because she wasn't waking up... it was a whirlwind of chaos. Things were happening so fast.

If I could only tell her one more time how much I loved her. How much I appreciated her. If I could show her... just one more time. ...God, please, just one more time. When the paramedics forced her onto that stretcher and she held on to the stairs because she didn't want to go with the strange people or to the hospital because it's ntc taboo, I wish I could've held her back with me instead of having to run back into the house and call my dad because my aunt was refusing to go with them. I wish I had known that them wheeling her away would be the last I would see her alive. I wished that my last words to her weren't something to the effect of: "You have to listen to what they say, go with them..."?

This is why I constantly show and tell my family and friends how much I love them and how much I appreciate them. I loved my aunt like a sister. heh. She was my sister. We played like sisters. We fought like sisters. I thought she'd be around for quite awhile. Never thought I'd be sitting here today, crying, wanting her back badly... wanting just one more time to tell her that I loved her. One more time to hug her or do her hair or say and do things that would make her laugh... one more time to see her standing at the stove, making tea. One more time to hear her yelling my name from downstairs for one thing or another. One more time.?

If I had only known...?

The thing is... no one really knows for sure. I came really close to losing my father in 2010. And years previous to that, my mother. There were nights when we weren't sure that she'd make it through the night. I am so grateful that they are alive today. Sure, we have our disagreements and yes, it's been increasingly difficult to submit to their authority, but they are alive. I love my parents. I am grateful for all the effort they have put in bringing peace back to our home.

Sometimes we don't know what we had until we lose them. Or better said, we know what we have, but don't really acknowledge it and later, regret not doing more while we still had them.

In light of death, the little grievances and offenses are petty.
In light of death, saying an "I love you" wouldn't hurt.
In light of death, material possessions mean nothing.

Death might take people away physically, but memories continue for a lifetime.
Making memories with loved ones and reliving them every once in awhile.
...that's what keeps us going sometimes when life gets a bit rough.

Make memories.
Live.
Laugh.
Love.

Source: http://inthepalmofhishand.blogspot.com/2012/02/passing-away.html

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